she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We just shotgunned beers for America
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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