Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i've created a new STD.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
