sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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