I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
