we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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