Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
