i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
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Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
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I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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