New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am one with the molecules
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
