Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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