So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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