I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
