the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
