I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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