I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
two words...techno handjob
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
