When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
