that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
