okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
