did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
