OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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