Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
