I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
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you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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