i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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