so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize