you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
