pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
