I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
