I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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