I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
