You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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