She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
