I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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