I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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