you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i need some magic done to my vagina
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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