my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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