I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
