I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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