1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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