Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
