Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
