I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
