Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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