He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I will pee on everything he values.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
