I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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