Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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