i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
