Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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