We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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