I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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