i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
