wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
