yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
