my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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