Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
