that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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