im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
