I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
